Yesterday's War

I have been reading Who Says Elephants Can't Dance by Louis Gerstner, Jr. It's the story of how he turned IBM around. It is a fascinating book. He discusses the strategy that they used and something he said caught my eye: he said that they had to stop fighting yesterday's war, they had already lost that and it was time to move on. How many times do we do that in both our personal and professional lives?

It might be some injustice that we suffered or some hurt that someone caused us. Months and even years after the event, we sometimes find ourselves still suffering or fighting that war. It's over. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to fight once you've lost the battle. As George Patton once said, "When the horse is dead, dismount." So, why do we continue the battle? I think that it's because we can't stand that someone hurt us or treated us unfairly and we weren't able to prevent it. For me, I've often wondered who I was more upset with: the person who trespassed or myself for not preventing it?

I remember a conversation I had with my Mom years ago. She had been deeply hurt by her sisters. She held on to that pain for decades. That didn't hurt her sisters -- it only hurt her. One day (years after the event) she was worked up about it and obviously in pain over it. I took her hand and I said, "Mom, let it go. You are only hurting yourself. Yes, what they did was wrong and I know that it hurt you. But now you are hurting yourself." I am sure that there was probably a more skilled way of saying that and I don't think I helped her at all. But I remember witnessing her turmoil and seeing that while her sisters had perpetrated the first offense, she had continued to cause pain to herself by holding onto it. It was a really sad example of yesterday's war being lost but not over -- and she was the only one still fighting it. I try to remember this incident and use it as a yellow flag to myself when I find myself ruminating over stuff that is in the past.