Anytime you make a unilateral statement, you invite dissent

People often ask, "How can we be more collaborative?" or "How can we have better teamwork?" While there are many things that affect our collaborative efforts, I think that one answer might be revealed if we look at how we communicate with each other.

For example, I was on a project team where one person always announced her opinion as though it were fact -- and the only conceivable answer. As I sat back and watched the interactions, I became aware of an emerging pattern, which I have since witnessed on other teams: when you make a unilateral statement, you invite dissent. As humans, we are programmed to mismatch statements like these. We like to be able to add value. If someone tells you the way it is, you are likely to resist because there is no value for you add. Unfortunately, on some teams, adding value comes in the form of pointing out where others are wrong. This leads to a very negative downward spiral where learning and action are stifled.

Try this: instead of announcing "This is the way it is," use a statement/question combination, such as "I'm sure there are many ways to approach this task. I wonder if xyz would work?" Then you are opening up the table for discussion. If your goal is open collaboration, it’s also important that you aren’t locked into your position but that you are open to exploring options. I have a principle that I use to guide myself in these interactions, which is: “High Commitment, Low Attachment.” My commitment to the success of the team is high, but my attachment to having my idea used is low. This allows me to hear what others have to say and to help the team build on the best of what we each have to contribute.

Likewise, if someone else throws out their idea, instead of pouncing on it to show why and how it is wrong, use a spirit of inquisitiveness to explore the idea. Your goal at this point should be to fully understand the idea. How many times have you seen someone begin judging and critiquing an idea long before they actually understand it?

Along the same lines, pay attention to whether your team or group is generally building upon each others ideas. The best teams that I have worked with actively build upon each others ideas: taking nuggets from each idea to come up with something creative that didn’t exist before.

Pay attention to whether your group or team is shutting ideas down or if they are helping ideas to grow through exploration, curiosity and expansion.