Combating Worry

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

-- Marcel Proust

Last week, I was listening to the local news station. They have a short segment called "To Your Health." This segment was about how to deal with worry. Essentially, the author of the segment said to have fixed times during the week when you worry and to write down everything that you are worried about and the worst that can happen for each thing.

I can see how this might make sense, but I think it comes up far short. First, I once heard Brandon Burchard (author of The Student Leadership Guide) speak and he said something that I found interesting. He said that too many times people ask themselves the wrong "what if" questions. They ask themselves, "What if I apply for a new job and don't get it?" instead of asking "What if I apply for a new job and I do get it?" So, maybe in conjunction with asking "what is the worst that could happen?" a person might also ask, "What's the best that could happen?" Perhaps, even more importantly, would be to ask, "What would I like to happen and what is one thing that I could do to contribute to that result?" Worry takes hold and becomes destructive and depressing when we believe that we have no control over our own condition.

Second, what the research and science has shown is that one of the very best ways to combat worry and depression is to keep a gratitude journal, or write letters of gratitude, or simply have a few minutes a day where you reflect on what it is you have that you feel gratitude for. If you want to feel great, here is a simple exercise (taken from Becoming a Resonant Leader by Boyatzis and McKee):

Think of the people who have helped you in your life or career; the people about whom you would say, “Without this person, I could not have accomplished or achieved as much as I have. Without this person, I would not be the person I am today.” Make a list of these folks. Write about what they did to help you and how it affected you and your life. This can go as far back as you can remember. If you really want to feel good, write them a letter expressing your thanks for what they have done for you. The science shows that even if you don't send the letter, your own emotional state will be elevated. Of course, if you want to make someone else's day, send the letter!