Focus on what's next . . .

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
Winston Churchill

On Saturday, I went to watch my nephew, Dylan, compete in a gymnastics tournament. He's only been competing for 13 months now, but he's been doing very well. On Saturday, his first event was the parallel bars. He did well, but made a slight mistake, so he didn't get his usual high score. His second event was the high bar. He's been doing great on the high bar and has been scoring about 15. He was aiming for a 15.4 on the high bar on Saturday. We watched the routine and it looked great! Then came his score: a 12. Even across the gymnasium we could see how disappointed he was. (As it turned out, the judge didn't score anyone very high and Dylan still ended up in 3rd!) Dylan's next event was the floor exercise. He has always done well on floor. My sister, Kathy, and I were worried: how would he recover from the disappointment of the high bar? Would he bounce back? He is, after all, only fourteen!

Dylan's turn came and he began his routine: it was controlled, graceful, athletic and wonderful! He scored a 14.8 and placed 2nd. He ended up having a great tournament and placed 3rd all-around. After it was over, I told him that I was so proud of how he came back from his disappointment. I asked him how he did it and he said, "I just reminded myself that the high bar was just one event and that it was over. I just needed to focus on the floor routine and what I could do there. I couldn't do anything different about the high bar now."

How many times though do we hold on to the last event so much that it affects how we perform next? Years ago, when I was on a league bowling team, I started the match off with . . . a gutter ball. I wanted to run away. Then some old-timer called out to me: "You know, it's better to get those out of the way early! Besides, it's only one ball and it has absolutely no effect on the next one you throw." I got a spare!

Helping Others to Accept Your Wisdom

"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught."
~Winston Churchill

Several months ago, I witnessed an interaction between two people that exemplifies this statement. Since then I have paid close attention to interactions where one person is attempting to impart some information to the other party. I have come to the conclusion that most of us don't like being taught when the "teacher" is displaying either arrogance or acting condescendingly. No one likes having a finger wagged in her face.

I think that if we want someone to consider (let alone accept) our advice, our suggestion, or even our point-of-view, we need to be aware of how we are showing up in that interaction. It is okay to own our expertise and experience; however, there must be space in that interaction for the other person to still feel okay about themselves. If they don't, they close themselves off to us and our ideas -- no matter how valuable or on target our ideas may be.