The Energy of Passion

Last night, Rick and I were watching the Cubs game (Go Cubs!!). Tommy Lasorda did the 7th Inning stretch and then he spent some time in the booth with the announcers. When I saw him, I thought "Wow. He hasn't changed a bit." I had the same thought as I listened to him passionately talk about baseball. He has such an amazing feel and knowledge of the game. He understands and talks about all those little intuitive things about baseball that the casual fan would likely miss. It's not surprising since he spent 59 years with the Dodgers.

What did surprise me was when they said that he was 80 years old. Here is someone who is helping to re-define age. He didn't look like nor talk like someone who is "old." As I listened to him, it occurred to me why: he is so passionate about what he has done -- and is still doing -- in life. That passion brings vibrancy. Vibrancy has nothing to do with age.

Or does it? Perhaps vibrancy can only come when you've experienced enough of life -- the ups, the downs, the challenges, the heartbreaks, the joys, and the realized dreams -- to truly be engaged and passionate about what it is that you do? Does the range of emotions that we experience in our lives allow us to enjoy, at a much deeper level, those things that we love? I don't know. What I do know is how inspiring it is to witness someone who is so engaged and passionate about what it is that they are doing. Maybe that is the elixir for vibrancy?

Assume Positive Intent

Fortune Magazine had their "Best Advice" issue (May 12, 2008). While there were many great pieces of advice, one really stood out for me. It was by Indra Nooyi (Chairman and CEO of Pepsi): "Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent . . . . When you assume negative intent, you're angry."

This is a behavior that I need to improve on. It's so easy to see a behavior and assume the worst -- or even just assume that we know that person's motivation. However, by following Nooyi's advice and assuming positive intent, we allow ourselves room to explore (and, at the very least, we save ourselves from some unnecessary anger).

When I was in Missouri when my mom was dying, my sisters and I took shifts at the hospital with mom. I had left the hospital around four in the morning. At 7:30 that morning, my sister called and told me that I needed to get back -- mom had taken a sharp turn for the worse. I jumped in the car and started driving. As luck would have it, the town was having it's city-wide garage sale. This meant that a number of the streets were blocked off and that people were driving very slow so that they could peruse the different sales from their cars. I was frantic! I had the misfortune of getting behind one pick-up truck who was going very, very slow and who was driving in the center of the road. I tried tapping the horn and trying to signal that I needed to get around him. That just made him slow down. It's entirely possible that he thought I was just being an impatient, obnoxious driver. He had no way of knowing that I was desperately trying to get to my mother's side before she died. I am remembering that as I am driving in the city: when someone cuts me off or is driving impatiently, I remind myself that I don't know where they are going or what their circumstances are. It allows me to be a little more patient, a little more forgiving. It also saves me from expending -- and wasting -- energy on being angry.

You need more than a hammer

Several years ago I read a book called In Harm's Way by Doug Stanton. It's the story of the USS Indianapolis and is a fascinating and horrifying read. One of the stories is about two survivors, McCoy and Brundige, who, along with several others, floated in a damaged life boat for over four days waiting to be rescued. As the hours went by, they watched the sharks attack others and they watched their friends die. They didn't have any food or water and the sun, during the day, was blistering their skin. At night, the temperature dipped and their core body temperatures fell dangerously low. As the hours turned into days, other boys would give up, take off their life jackets and dive into the water, knowing that the sharks would come for them and end their pain. When the third day rolled around and they were both severely dehydrated and burned, they started betting each other who would die first. They each swore that it would be the other one because they each claimed that they were the toughest and strongest. From that point on, giving up wasn't an option. They had something to prove, something to live for. Mercifully, they were rescued on the fourth day.

This story is a powerful reminder that in communication, in relationships, in leadership, there is never just one way to do anything all the time. Whereas early on in the disaster, McCoy would seek to reassure the other boys that help was on the way, there came a point where reassurance and comfort wasn't going to work anymore. That was the time to challenge their pride or their toughness. Too often we rely on what we know best or what feels best and we fail to recognize that we need to use a different tool.

This is when our empathy makes a massive difference. We need to able to understand what the other person is going through and what they need to hear at the time, instead of simply saying what we need to say. Sometimes that might be support, sometimes it might be comfort and sometimes it might be a challenge. The key is that we have to pay attention. We don't get to operate on autopilot. I know we've probably all heard this quote by Abraham Maslow, but it is extremely wise and bears repeating:"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you will see every problem as a nail."

Cheering for others

I am a volunteer coach in a wonderful program for young girls called Girls on the Run. It teaches girls about running, healthy diet and lifestyle, self-esteem and leadership. I have noticed something interesting with the girls. There are about three girls who run significantly faster and farther than the other girls. They are very diligent and serious about their running. Near the end of the session, we always ask the girls who have completed their run, to stand near the finish line and cheer in the other girls. For the three girls who are always the fastest, this is when they become the most animated! They come alive cheering for the other girls. Out of the entire session, this is when they appear to be most engaged. And, for the girls who are struggling to finish, just having others cheer for them inspires them! They run a little faster, they hold their heads up a little higher, and they have big smiles on their faces as they cross the finish line. Of course, as soon as they cross that finish line, what do you think they start to do? That's right -- they start cheering for the girls who have yet to finish! It is my favorite part of the program. It makes me wonder how this very basic human connection -- cheering for others -- might be used in our families and workplaces? Is there a place for it? How could it work?