Leaders are grown, not born.

To effectively lead, one must have courage, integrity, self and social awareness, empathy, discipline and principled values. In short, a leader has developed her character. No one is born with these virtues and attributes. These virtues and attributes are developed over the course of our lifetime through the experiences that we have and the meaning that we create from those experiences.

Experiences alone don't develop character or leadership ability. Turning our experiences into meaningful growth opportunities requires the work of reflection and the commitment to growth. Anyone can do this work; too few choose to.

I recently watched a History Channel documentary on the Dalai Lama. I was inspired by his level of self-discovery and reflection. Seemingly every event of his life, he turned into a learning experience that deepened his character and his ability to lead. In one part of the interview, they asked the Dalai Lama about the struggle with China and how he dealt with the many injustices that he and his people had suffered at their hands. The Dalai Lama smiled peacefully and said, "Without enemy, you cannot learn patience and tolerance. From that standpoint, enemy is a great teacher."

I was humbled and motivated by this interview. So many people, with so much less provocation and adversity, turn to bitterness and anger and the ever elusive revenge. Instead, he turned to learning what he could from the experience and using that learning to further develop himself.

Who Says You Can't Herd Cats?

In the evening, I like to sit out in my backyard and read for awhile. I generally take two of my cats, Boo and Scout, with me. All is well (they love being outside!), right up until the time when it’s time for us to go in for the evening. I have to round them up. Typically this involves me chasing them or crawling around in the planting beds. Once I catch them, they growl and hiss and, in general, let me know that they are not pleased with me.

Tonight, however, was different. It was a long day and I didn’t feel like participating in the usual evening spectacle. I went upstairs, grabbed the little bag of cat treats and shook the bag from the top of the stairs. Both cats came running at top speed and gave no argument about coming in. Why didn’t I think of this before?

The cats reminded me of a few important steps to affecting change:

1. Decide that you will no longer participate in the spectacle.

2. Decipher and understand the competing motivations of others. This isn’t quite as simple as "What does the other person want?" The cats wanted to stay outside! Their competing motivation was that they also wanted the treats. Tonight they wanted the treat more than they wanted to stay where they were.

3. A key to getting people to change is to get them to want something new more than they want to stay where they are. My mother was a hard-core smoker for 50 years. Last June, her doctors told her that she had a choice: she could continue to smoke. If she chose that she would be dead within a few months and most of that time, she would spend in the hospital. Or, she could quit smoking, have more time with her family, and spend most of that time at home. She quit that day.

Certainly, these are not all the steps of change, but, most likely, change won’t happen without these three. As for the cats, well, as Scarlett always said, "Tomorrow is another day" and I’m sure they are busy plotting their revenge.