Leaders are grown, not born.

To effectively lead, one must have courage, integrity, self and social awareness, empathy, discipline and principled values. In short, a leader has developed her character. No one is born with these virtues and attributes. These virtues and attributes are developed over the course of our lifetime through the experiences that we have and the meaning that we create from those experiences.

Experiences alone don't develop character or leadership ability. Turning our experiences into meaningful growth opportunities requires the work of reflection and the commitment to growth. Anyone can do this work; too few choose to.

I recently watched a History Channel documentary on the Dalai Lama. I was inspired by his level of self-discovery and reflection. Seemingly every event of his life, he turned into a learning experience that deepened his character and his ability to lead. In one part of the interview, they asked the Dalai Lama about the struggle with China and how he dealt with the many injustices that he and his people had suffered at their hands. The Dalai Lama smiled peacefully and said, "Without enemy, you cannot learn patience and tolerance. From that standpoint, enemy is a great teacher."

I was humbled and motivated by this interview. So many people, with so much less provocation and adversity, turn to bitterness and anger and the ever elusive revenge. Instead, he turned to learning what he could from the experience and using that learning to further develop himself.

Live in a way where you never have to hide from the truth

My mother, like most mothers, seemed to have eyes in the back of her head. She ALWAYS knew what we were up to. As we've grown up, my sisters and I have often joked about how we could never get by with anything. In April, when Mom passed away, we talked about how Mom would be always watching over us. My one sister joked, "Boy, if we thought it was tough to fool her before, now it will be impossible!"

It was a comment made in passing and intended to lighten the grief, but I've thought about it over the past several weeks. What I've realized is that I am proud of my life and the choices that I have made. If Mom is looking down and watching over me, I am not afraid of her seeing me as I am.

Somewhere along the way in my life -- I think it was around my early- to mid-thirties -- it became very important for me to live in such a way where I would never have to be afraid of the truth. I've seen others who are constantly "hiding" something from someone. I watch at the energy that consumes. It's a waste. It diminishes their potential.

A number of years ago, I saw a marvelous speaker, Roger Anthony. Roger is a very well spoken, intelligent, and smartly-dressed man. About half way through his presentation, he said he was warm and was going to take off his suit jacket. When he did, he revealed a very tattered and torn shirt that had a number of big stains on it. We all gasped! He then asked if any of us had known what his shirt looked like. Of course, none of us did. He then said, "But there was one person who did, right? There is always one person who knows the truth. In this case, that person was me. I knew what was beneath my jacket." He went on to say that when we are hiding behind those false jackets, we can't truly be ourselves because we are spending so much energy covering up the truth. It was a powerful visual that has stayed with me.

What then allows us to live in truth? I think that there's a lot of things that go into that, but for me it is knowing my values, my principles, what I believe in and having the courage to stand for those things even when I am faced with unpleasant consequences. I don't get to control the consequences, only my choices. What I have found is that as long as I am making choices that are congruent with my values, I can face any consequence. However, if I were to make a choice that was not in line with my values, I don't believe I could face myself in the mirror. I would never want to feel the need to hide from the truth or to hide from myself. For me, I believe that would be the biggest loss of all.