About twenty five years ago, I read something to the effect of: Either you are the author of your own life or you will merely become a character in someone else’s story.
That revolutionized my life. At the time, I was not fully self-authoring. I was a bit player in someone else’s story. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that and I hope that you haven’t. But it was this existence of this tension between knowing what was true about you and for you and what you believed and valued in your heart and trying to fit into the lives of those around you. It was like a rubber band being stretched too far between two opposing forces. The tension in the middle of that rubber band is almost unbearable and it’s bound to break.
Shortly after reading that I started making small changes so that I could write my own life, in my own voice. I would love to say that everyone in my life went along with those changes, but they didn’t. Those changes altered our relationships and I met a fair amount of resistance. Each time I met resistance it was painful, but I always asked myself: am I really willing to give up who I am so that I can please this person?
A couple of years into this part of my journey, my long-term boyfriend told me that he wanted the “Old Bobbi back” because the “New Bobbi just wasn’t worth it.” That began a rather unpleasant break-up where he put increasing pressure on me to “just go back to how you used to be.” I didn’t.
Instead, after a few months of this ugliness, I treated myself to a vacation to Mexico. And, I discovered something mind-blowing about myself one early morning when I was out for a walk along the beach.
Every day of my vacation, I got up early and I took these very long walks along the ocean. I would let my mind wander and go where it wanted. On this particular day, I was reviewing my life and how I’d been living it recently — specifically when I committed to being the author of my own life. When I started being true to who I am. And that is when I made a startling and mind-blowing discovery that literally stopped me in my tracks: When I looked at myself through my own eyes — and not the eyes of those around me — I actually liked myself. It might have been the first time that I truly and fully felt that.
I have never forgotten that moment and I have honored it and been true to it ever since then and that was some twenty years ago. I believe that when you love someone — or when someone loves you — we are there to amplify their potential and worth. If someone tries to diminish your worth or the light that you bring to the world, don’t walk away – RUN. The world needs your true self, your true value and your true light.