I had a graduation of sorts the week before Christmas. The graduation was that I needed to step up in a volatile, stressful, and, potentially, risky situation. The situation involved my sister. The past few months have been, at best, tumultuous and painful for her. I had lunch with her on Wednesday and I could sense her despair and hopelessness. It seemed as though she was on the verge of a breakdown or worse. As we talked, I asked her if she had considered seeing a therapist. She said that she wanted to, but wasn't sure her husband would "let her." He had objections and she didn't think she would be able to persuade him.

The next day, I decided that I would call my brother-in-law. I was nervous about it. I don’t like to meddle. I don't like confrontations. I didn't want to do anything to make things worse for my sister. However, the bottom-line is that, in my heart, I believe that if she doesn't get help – and soon – she is going to seriously hurt herself. When I called, I simply said: "I'm really worried about my sister. I think she needs our help. Can we talk about it?" What followed was a three-hour conversation. He had concerns and objections which we discussed. He acknowledged his role in the problems and expressed his pain and hurt. I simply listened. At the end of our conversation, he asked me to help my sister find a really good therapist.

The conversation reinforced a very important lesson for me: you can only get buy-in and commitment when you have an open and frank discussion. So many times we want to bypass the conflict (really, who likes conflict?) that we end up bypassing the opportunity to get commitment. People need to be able to express their opinions and their feelings before they will be willing to move forward. They don't necessarily need us to agree with them, but they do need for us to listen to them.

How can you re-frame conflict so that you see it merely as an opportunity to move forward?

To Your Success,

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