Last week, I was taking the El downtown to meet a friend for lunch. I sat in two-seater. However, when I looked down at the seat next to me, I noticed that there appeared to be gum on the seat so I didn't slide over to make room for someone else. Within a few minutes, I noticed a woman giving me hostile glances. I am sure that she thought I was simply being a seat hog (even though she had a seat and no one was standing). About ten minutes later, she approached me and declared that I wasn't supposed to take up two seats. I pointed out that none of my stuff was in the seat and that she was welcome to sit there. She rather pointedly made a show of getting ready to assume her new seat (and wrestle it away from me). It was at that moment that she noticed the gum and said, "I can't sit in that seat – it has gum in it." At which point I said, "Exactly. That's why I wasn't sitting in it." It was then that she became quite apologetic.

She wasn't a bad person. She just made a common mistake: she observed a behavior, made assumptions about the motive behind the behavior and then made a judgment. We could eliminate many misunderstandings if, instead of acting on our assumptions, we would take the time to test our assumptions and gather the real facts.

The next time you find yourself ascribing motivations to someone's actions, take a step back and ask yourself if you are making assumptions or truly accurate observations.

To Your Success,

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