I swear there are some people who are more committed to their problems than they are to solving them.
Bobbi Kahler

Have you ever met one of these people? This is the person who comes to you – repeatedly – because they want your help in solving a problem. However, no matter what you suggest, they have a million reasons why it would never solve their problem.

A couple of years ago, I was facilitating a small group discussion. There was one member of the group, we’ll call her Sally, who asked for the group to help her with this business problem. The group immediately responded and started asking questions to gain an understanding of the situation. Then they moved on to brainstorming and they generated some really good ideas. However, Sally shot holes into every idea. I began to notice that she seemed energized when she was shooting down the ideas. This continued as, one by one, all the ideas were dismissed. At that point, I said, "Sally, you seem almost satisfied that none of these ideas would work for you. I have to ask you: to what are you more committed – holding on to the problem or finding a solution for it?" There was a long pause (where I had to force myself to remain silent), and finally Sally said, "You know, I think I'm more committed to holding on to the problem. If I solve it, I might not be needed anymore."

Before you laugh and dismiss this reasoning, I've heard it expressed in different ways a number of times. When we are faced with a problem that just doesn't want to go away, I think we have to step back and ask ourselves what we gain by having that problem. It may be that we gain nothing, but chances are there is something that we gain. William Bridges, in one of his books on transitions, writes that we don't let go of anything until we have exhausted every possible way of holding on to it.

To what are you more committed: the problem or the solution?

To Your Success,

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