We have probably all heard the expression that "Sometimes you need to put yourself in the other person's shoes." It's a good expression, but I think many times the true meaning and power of it gets a little lost. When it comes to our relationships with others, including our team, our clients and would-be clients, I think we need to take it a little further. We need to ask ourselves some questions: What do these shoes feel like? How do they make me feel? How does standing in these shoes change how the world looks? We all want to feel understood. People will follow the person who tends to understand them. People will buy from people who demonstrate that they understand.

When I made the trip to Missouri when my Mom died, I had to vastly different experiences with service providers. One was with Avis. When I called Avis to rent a car, the rental agent said that she needed to know when I would have the car back. I explained the situation: my mother was in the hospital and was dying and that I didn't know exactly what my plans were. She told me that I could rent the car for four days for $89 and then, if needed, call and extend my rental time. When I called to extend my rental period – by an additional four days – the rate went from $89 to over $350. Because of the violent storms and the flash flooding that occurred in Missouri on the day I was to drive home, I ended up calling to extend the period by one day. This time the price went to over $450. I expected to pay for the additional time, but mathematically this didn't make sense to me. When I explained to the girl on the phone what had happened (and why I needed to keep the car longer), she said, "Well, I'm sorry your mother died, but if you wanted a discount you should have given us a coupon at the time you rented the car." I asked to speak to a supervisor. I told the supervisor that I didn't expect any special treatment, but I didn't expect to be fleeced at what was a particularly hard time. I asked her what her company's marketing line was (We Try Harder!) and what it was they were trying harder to do. (After spending close to a half an hour on the phone, they did make a modest adjustment to the overall bill.)

Contrast that to my experience at the Best Western in Neosho, Missouri. Upon checking in, my sister and I explained that we didn't know how long we would be staying. We explained why. Not only did they give us a bereavement rate but they also put us in the quietest rooms in the motel, they kept the rooms around us vacant as much as possible and they screened our telephone calls for us. They demonstrated that they felt for us during this time. Ironically, the bereavement rate really wasn't that much lower than the full rate, but because we didn't have to ask for it, it felt more generous. In truth, Avis may have knocked more money off their bill, but because of the indifference and the complete lack of empathy demonstrated by most of their employees (with the exception of the one supervisor), it felt like a bad experience. The end result is that the Best Western earned my loyalty for when I go down there to visit my Dad (and, yes, surprisingly, there are other choices (all of which are far cheaper than the Best Western)!), whereas Avis diminished its standing with me.

Trust is built or diminished as we interact with others. Think for a moment about how you interact with your team, your family, your clients or your prospects. List the actions that when viewed from their perspective might be seen as self-centered or uncaring on your part (talking instead of listening, interrupting, talking to a prospect about your solution instead of their need, etc.). Now list the actions that you take which demonstrate to others your commitment and caring about them. Of this second list, which three things are most important to others?

To Your Success,

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