I was at the International Conference on Emotional Intelligence listening to the keynote speaker, Jim Kouzes, speak about leadership. He was excellent! He spoke about making sure that our actions are in line with our intentions and our beliefs and values. It reminded me of something that happened to me more than 20 years ago. I was only 19 years old and I was slowly becoming aware of the fact that I didn't really like myself; or more to the point, I didn’t like the way that I was acting. I believed myself to be a caring person, yet I was impatient and short-tempered. It began to gnaw at me.

For some reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to keep a journal. At the end of everyday, I took 20-30 minutes to write in the journal about my interactions with others: When had I been impatient or angry? Had I missed opportunities to be more compassionate? Did I take advantage of opportunities to help others learn and develop (I was in management)? I began breaking down the interactions. When I acted in a way that I wasn't proud of, I would look at the situation and try to figure out why I had acted the way that I did, and, more importantly, how would I have preferred to act? This might seem a bit tedious. However, it only took about six weeks or so of scrutinizing my actions to see substantial change. For one, I didn't want to have to "tattle on myself" at the end of the day! Second, I was able to see where I was going astray – and what I could do to alter that course and truly be the person that I believed myself to be. It was powerful for me.

I think that what was most important was giving myself the space to learn from my experience. I didn't berate myself. But I observed my actions and my intentions. Luckily I had realized that this wasn't about perfection. If perfection was my only consideration, I was going to fail. By setting it up as a safe learning environment, I was giving myself permission to be less than perfect and to be honest with my performance. Only through that honesty – as painful as that can be – was I able to make changes.

Are you seeking perfection or are you seeking steady improvement?

To Your Success,

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