There's what you feel like doing and then there's what you need to do to get the results you want.
–Rick Fowler

Team projects. Whether at work or at school, team projects have the capacity to be either immensely powerful or immensely frustrating. And, sometimes, they are both. Rick is on a team project in school right now which is currently simply in the frustrating category: he’s the only one that consistently shows up, others wait to be told what to do, they miss meetings, etc. We all have our own horror story.

Last night we were talking about the project and how frustrating it is. We were laughing at all the wonderful things that a person could do in this situation that would just feel so good! In other words, make them pay! That’s when Rick said, “But, there’s what you feel like doing and then there’s what you need to do to get the results you want.”

This is a terrific example of emotional intelligence at work. Specifically, there are four components of emotional intelligence here:

1. Being aware of your own feelings;
2. Managing those emotions;
3. Apply consequential thinking; and
4. Empathy.

The first is fairly obvious in this situation. The second step, managing your emotions, is where many people begin to stumble. You can experience an emotion without becoming a hostage to it. The third and fourth steps are where things get powerful: consequential thinking and empathy. Rick used empathy to be aware of and understand his teammates and what their drivers and motivations might be. He also used empathy to anticipate their reactions if he simply lashed out. Closely tied to this is consequential thinking: thinking about the consequence of your actions before committing the actions and also considering the outcome that you desire and how you can act in such a way that will bring about that desired outcome.

Of all the emotional intelligence competencies (and they are all valuable) consequential thinking is the one that really stands out to me when someone has it or when they don't have it. I think it is the one skill that really takes discipline to develop. You simply have to be willing to forego the immediate and short-term satisfaction of reacting (which sometimes feels so good to tell someone what you really think!), and instead think about and choose the intelligent long-term response which will move you closer to the desired outcome. The key to executing consequential thinking well is to give yourself time before responding.

In the face of heightened emotions, how do you give yourself time to think about your best response?

To Your Success,

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