As most of you know, I had speech problems as a kid. One day I was complaining to my mom that no one could understand me. Something in the way that I was communicating this tipped my Mom off to the fact that I was holding "them" responsible for not understanding me. She let me ramble for a few minutes and then she said, "You know, Bobbi, maybe you're right. Maybe people could try a little harder to understand you, but most people won't. If you want to be understood, you have to try harder to speak in a way that they understand." While this irritated me greatly at the time, I look back now and fully realize the wisdom in those words.

As I mentioned in last week's article, I am working with a sales and leadership organization and we are rolling out a nationwide program for them on Exceeding Customer's Expectations. Last week, I was in New Hampshire for the kick-off. Everything went extremely well and the client is ecstatic! I noticed something very interesting during one of the exercises and it is something that I have noticed before in similar situations.

In this particular example, we talk about the difference in communication styles. It's a simple model of Closed or Task-oriented on one end of the line (think Donald Trump) and Open or Relational on the other end (think Oprah). As people assessed their own style, they not only assessed their own style but they assessed and judged the style of others. It became very clear that they believed their style was the right style and people who had the other style were wrong.

The whole point of the exercise is that when we are speaking with someone who has a style different than our own, we need to adjust a little to theirs. In relationships, we usually meet somewhere in the middle. With our clients and prospects, we usually need to be the one adjusting. I couldn’t help but remember what my mother had taught me so many years ago: if we want to be understood, then we have to speak in a way that the other person understands.

Do you ever find yourself at odds with someone else and you are wishing that they would change to meet your needs? I wonder if they are wishing for the same thing! Instead of wishing for a better result, take a step back and look at what you might be able to do differently that could lead to a better result.

To Your Success,

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