I was recently given feedback that I am “too hard” on myself. This was from a person who doesn’t know me very well. I asked her what led her to that conclusion. She replied: Because you notice your mistakes.
This is where things get interesting: She is 100% correct: I do notice my mistakes.
She is only about 15% correct that I am too hard on myself.
Just because I notice my mistakes doesn’t mean that I am too hard on myself. What determines whether or not I’m too hard on myself is what I SAY to myself and how I FEEL about myself when I notice that I’ve made a mistake.
Let me explain. We are talking about a critical distinction and that’s the distinction between discernment and judgment.
If I notice a mistake, that’s discernment: a mistake was made. And, sometimes it’s not even a mistake, per se, but the opportunity to do something different and possibly better in the future. That’s healthy.
If I notice a mistake and berate myself for it, that’s judgment. That’s unhealthy.
Tune in to this episode to learn more about the distinction between discernment and judgment and why it is so critical.
Show Notes
Not the Same – Recognizing our errors does not mean excessive self-criticism. What determines if we are excessively critical of ourselves is what we say to ourselves and how we feel about ourselves after making a mistake.
Discernment and Judgment – It is critical to distinguish discernment from judgment. The first is admirable, while the second is destructive.
Avoid Hijack Mode – If you catch yourself making a mistake and chastise yourself for it, you are in full hijack mode. At such a point, you are unable to harvest wisdom or learn from that experience.
Use the Tool – There is a simple exercise you may take to flip your spirals upwards rather than downwards. Try it out and keep practicing; you’ll be blown away!
