Do you ever wonder what leads some people to be happier than others?
Happiness researchers have and their findings might surprise you.
Is it that some people are just naturally happier than others? While everyone does have a happiness set point, what researchers have found is that our happiness set point accounts for only 50% of our happiness.
What can a misbehaving bull teach us about anger? Plenty. Just bear with me on this. How often have you heard someone say: “I know that I shouldn’t get angry.” I think that there is a lot of confusion around that phrase.
Primarily, I think we are confusing the feeling of anger – which is a legitimate data point – with the expression of anger – which is where we can get into trouble.
Don’t succumb to it! Don’t believe the lie embedded in our interpretations.
When we believe the lie, we accept the limitation. Here’s how it happens:
A simple example is that we are learning a new technology and it’s a bit challenging.
A factual statement we could say is “I’m learning a new technology and I’m not completely comfortable with it yet.”
In this episode I address one of the biggest lies that we tell ourselves:
“I’ll be happy when .. . “
Nearly every high achiever that I’ve coached – and I’ve coached a lot of them over the years – has fallen prey to this trap.
And, make no mistake, it is a trap. It keeps us stuck – but more about that in the episode.
Saboteurs are our automatic ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. They are our autopilot. They cause stress and negative emotions in response to your life’s difficulties. We all have them according to the research of Shirzad Chamine. His research is a synthesis of neuroscience, performance science, positive psychology, and cognitive-behavioral psychology. More than half a million people have already benefited from this effort.
Remember Tetris? Amazing game, right?
Surprisingly enough, researchers found a key to happiness in it. But it probably isn’t what you think!
In studies, people were instructed to play Tetris for an extended period of time. At the end of the required playing time, the participants noticed that as they were out and about, they were bombarded with “Tetris shapes” everywhere:
It was two months before my 32nd birthday when I had an experience that changed the course of my life. I had a boyfriend and we’d built a beautiful house and life together. Or so I thought. And then one night he came home in a rage. He said that he couldn’t stand me any longer. I remember he leaned over me where I was standing, and I could see his veins standing out on his neck. His face contorted with rage.
Tired of moving the goal post on yourself?
Want to STOP doing that? Keep reading!
Years ago, I was lucky enough to take an online course taught by Tal Ben-Shahar who is a happiness researcher and teaches a happiness course at Harvard.
That course helped me recognize this pattern in myself so that I could break free from it. And help others do the same.
I was recently given feedback that I am “too hard” on myself. This was from a person who doesn’t know me very well. I asked her what led her to that conclusion. She replied: Because you notice your mistakes.
This is where things get interesting: She is 100% correct: I do notice my mistakes.
She is only about 15% correct that I am too hard on myself.
On April 5, 2008, my mother passed away. My parents lived in a small community in Missouri and the next morning my mom’s obituary appeared in the local newspaper.
That afternoon, right after lunch, we were sitting in the backyard at my dad’s farm, and we heard a car coming down the road.
As soon as my dad heard the car, he said, “That’ll be Dave.”