Why change can be lonely

I just finished an article, "Social Capital and Intentional Change," by Melvin Smith (one of my professors at Case Western). The article discusses the role that our social networks can play in our efforts to develop ourselves.

Essentially, we develop and create our "selves" through our interactions with others. We have both close and loose networks. These two types of networks each help us as they provide different types of feedback.

As I read the article, I couldn't help but personalize the information and relate it to my own journey and change efforts. My early 30's were a "growth spurt" for me emotionally. As I was developing into the person I knew I could be -- and wanted to be -- I was surprised by the resistance I faced. The more I changed, the more the pressure to conform to the old ways ("the old Bobbi), intensified. I ended up losing several friends, my long-time boyfriend, and family members. It was a lonely time.

These were my closest networks and they firmly showed their disapproval. Unfortunately, I didn't have any other networks to rely on at that time. I am frankly stunned that I persisted. I had one person in my life (my therapist, Maria) who adamantly encouraged me to believe in myself and the changes I was seeking to make. She believed that I could and would find like-minded people who wanted to be part of my journey. I just had to let go of the current unhealthy networks.

This part of my journey illustrates a few key important lessons for anyone going through change:
1. Be careful of the people that you surround yourself with and with whom you share your dreams;
2. Understand that if others are not supporting you it could have something to do with their own agenda and needs;
3. Seek out like-minded people who are committed to growth and development;
4. Seek out mentors;
5. Build your networks to include the type of people that you want to be around and those that have divergent interests from your own (in other words, a network with variety);
6. Never, ever stop believing in yourself and all you can be.

This part of the story also illustrates a very important lesson for anyone who is supporting the change or development of another: one person, caring and believing with all they have, can make all the difference in the world. Thank you, Maria.

Leadership isn't about the tools; it's about the craftsman.

Several months ago, I read an article in Harvard Business Review about "tough empathy." The authors claimed that tough empathy was the key to leadership. Perhaps tough empathy, at the right time, in the right place, with the right people, would be the right tool to use. However, it is just that -- a tool. Despite the plethora of articles -- and companies -- who would like to convince us that there is ONE way to be an effective leader (the way they happen to be selling), the sobering truth about leadership is that there is NO one way to be all the time or to lead all the time. Leaders have to be fully developed individuals who are capable of reading themselves, the people they are leading, and the situation and then decide upon the most effective way to lead. Effective leadership comes from effective people who have developed themselves and who have attained a certain level of self-mastery. Leadership is not about finding the right tool and using it all the time. Leadership is about being a craftsman who can easily recognize what tool to reach for when and under what circumstances.

Leadership isn't about the tools; it's about the craftsman

Several months ago, I read an article in Harvard Business Review about "tough empathy." The authors claimed that tough empathy was the key to leadership. Perhaps tough empathy, at the right time, in the right place, with the right people, would be the right tool to use. However, it is just that -- a tool.

Despite the plethora of articles -- and companies -- who would like to convince us that there is ONE way to be an effective leader (the way they happen to be selling), the sobering truth about leadership is that there is NO one way to be all the time or to lead all the time.

Leaders have to be fully developed individuals who are capable of reading themselves, the people they are leading, and the situation and then decide upon the most effective way to lead.

Effective leadership comes from effective people who have developed themselves and who have attained a certain level of self-mastery. Leadership is not about finding the right tool and using it all the time. Leadership is about being a craftsman who can easily recognize what tool to reach for when and under what circumstances.

Unrealized potential is money that you never get to deposit in the bank.

I read an article online by Paul Kearns the other day that said, "The purpose of leadership is to realize the maximum value of human potential." (http://www.evidence-basedmanagement.com/research_practice/articles/kearns_leadership_ebm.pdf) Too often this is dismissed as soft skills or simply being nice. It has nothing to do with being nice and there is nothing easy -- or soft -- about it.



Think about it: you have a team that you manage or lead. If there is latent potential that never sees the light of day, you just left money on the table. This is like having a Royal Flush in poker, but playing as though you are simply holding cards of the same color. As a card player, you need to know how to make the most out of the hand that you were dealt.



As a leader, you need to wake up that dormant potential and find a way to draw from it. In all the manager and leader coaching that I have ever done, I have never once heard a manager say that they want to bring the performance of their team down because they are just exceeding expectations all over the place! There is almost always more performance potential locked inside of people. As a leader, your job is to provide the key.



This is a journey that the leader and follower must embark upon together. However, a person will only follow the leader if they trust the character of the leader. No trust, no sale.

Leaders are grown, not born.

To effectively lead, one must have courage, integrity, self and social awareness, empathy, discipline and principled values. In short, a leader has developed her character. No one is born with these virtues and attributes. These virtues and attributes are developed over the course of our lifetime through the experiences that we have and the meaning that we create from those experiences.

Experiences alone don't develop character or leadership ability. Turning our experiences into meaningful growth opportunities requires the work of reflection and the commitment to growth. Anyone can do this work; too few choose to.

I recently watched a History Channel documentary on the Dalai Lama. I was inspired by his level of self-discovery and reflection. Seemingly every event of his life, he turned into a learning experience that deepened his character and his ability to lead. In one part of the interview, they asked the Dalai Lama about the struggle with China and how he dealt with the many injustices that he and his people had suffered at their hands. The Dalai Lama smiled peacefully and said, "Without enemy, you cannot learn patience and tolerance. From that standpoint, enemy is a great teacher."

I was humbled and motivated by this interview. So many people, with so much less provocation and adversity, turn to bitterness and anger and the ever elusive revenge. Instead, he turned to learning what he could from the experience and using that learning to further develop himself.

Article review on Hardiness and Resilience

Article Reviewed/Citation:
Maddi, S. (2006, July). Hardiness: The courage to grow from stresses. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 1, 160-168.

Brief summary:
This article looks at the link between hardiness and coping with stress. According to the article, hardiness is characterized by as a combination of commitment, control and challenge. Commitment keeps you connected to the important events and people around you, which helps to keep you from becoming isolated and alienated. A high level of control will keep you engaged in trying to have influence on the outcomes of those things going on around you (regardless of difficulty). Challenge reflects how you see stressful events. If you are high in challenge, stress is simply a normal part of life and it affords the opportunity to learn and to grow. Looking toward the future and seeking to use adversity as a learning experience and point of growth requires courage.

Why is this topic important to me and the field?
It was interesting to me how much of my attention was captured by resiliency and hardiness. Stress and adversity are a part of a life. If we can help people learn and grow from those events, we are providing them with powerful, life-long fuel.

What are the most exciting ideas or findings?
I found it powerful that hardiness has been defined as three attitudes: 1) commitment (remaining involved); 2) control (self-efficacy); and 3) challenge (framework where stress and challenge are simply normal parts of life). This gives a very solid foundation from which to work for individuals and practitioners.

What are the three most important implications for the practice of theory of organization development?
Prior studies (as discussed in the article) have shown that employees who are high in hardiness are more effective at performing under stress. Clearly, this is of tremendous importance to any organization or leader. Providing coaching or other interventions to assist in the development of hardiness could be very beneficial. Related to that is the finding that hardiness can be learned. This is exciting for developmental purposes. Finally, since hardiness is also linked to better physical and mental health, this data could be used to persuade an organization to make an investment in their employees (better physical and mental health means lower insurance costs, fewer sick days, increased productivity and performance, and likely lower turnover).

The Case of the Shattered Coffee Pot in the Ice Machine

It was a hot summer Saturday back in 1987. I had recently been transferred to the North Rangeline (North) McDonald's Store. I was moved there because I had earned a reputation as a powerful motivator and great teacher. And, to put it simply, North needed that -- desperately. On my third Saturday there (a scorcher), we were just finishing the breakfast rush and getting ready to transition to lunch (always a chaotic time). One of the employees came running over to me with a cup full of ice (she was about to fill a drink order for the drive thru). She frantically pointed out the quarter-sized piece of glass in the ice. I quickly checked our ice machine and saw the remnants of a shattered glass coffee pot. One of the crew had done it. (Luckily, this was our first soda of the day so no customers were affected.)

The first thing we had to do was shut down the machine and pull all of the ice out of the ice bin stations in both the drive thru and the front line. Those had to be thoroughly and carefully cleaned. I pulled out petty cash and sent an employee to the grocery store to buy up bags of ice. I called other McDonald's nearby and arranged to have an employee come by with plastic bins to collect some ice. Once the immediate situation was taken care of, I knew that I had to handle the more difficult part of it: taking care of the employees who did it.

Although there were no witnesses, I had a strong suspicion of who had done it, as did all the other employees. There were three employees who were extremely disgruntled and unhappy. They were also the three most knowledgeable and potentially best employees that I had ever worked with. I sent them on break together to give myself time to collect my thoughts. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed back to the break room. As I entered the break room, they all looked up at me, expectantly and not without some hostility. I asked them if they would mind if I sat down with them for a minute. I could tell that was not what they were expecting! Then, I asked them if they'd be willing to talk for a few minutes and I assured them that I would add that time onto their break time. Then I said, "I wonder if you guys could help me out. About what just happened with the ice -- to me, that is a clear symptom of what's going on in this store. You guys have been here a long time, you know the store and you know your jobs. What do you think the real problems are?"

About 15 minutes later, they stopped talking. I had taken notes. I summarized the points they had made (for the most part, they were all valid) and then I said "Thank you for taking the time to be so upfront with me. I am going to work my hardest to bring about changes. I am going to work my tail off to make things better. I won't be able to do that overnight, but I will work to bring about changes as quickly as possible. I hope that you will be with me in making these changes." Then I stood up and said "So, I'll see you up front in about 20 minutes or so?" All three stood up and said "No, we will go back with you now."

In all the hard work that was before me, these three employees worked as hard and as loyally as anyone else. The fact that I listened to them spread throughout the store, among all the different shifts, and I became the manager that people trusted enough to talk to. That was essential. I needed to hear what was really going on. Of course, I also had to do something as well, otherwise I would have lost that trust. Together we turned that store into a place where employees worked with pride. Within three months, we turned the reputation of the store around. As a direct result of my hard work at North, I was awarded the opportunity to become a Store Manager at another nearby McDonalds. I gladly welcomed that challenge. When I announced that I would be leaving and going to the other store, about half of the employees at North put in their request to be transferred to the store I was going to (and, the same thing happened at the Main Street Store (the store I had been at before North)!). Sadly, the regional supervisor limited the amount of transfers I could accept. One of those that wanted to transfer -- and one I accepted -- was one of the women who, I believe, broke the coffee pot in the ice machine. From that day on, she was one of the best and most loyal employees that I ever worked with.